My Jesus is such an amazing, sweet, sweet God! I can cry to Him when I need to. I can laugh and sing with Him when no one else is awake. I can tell Him all my problems when no one will listen. I love the fact that He is my best friend. Praise you my Jesus! I love you with every beat of my heart and breath in my soul!
Sorry I've been missing for a while...
I have been on a journey the last few days that is kind of bittersweet. I am evolving as a person and growing as a believer. Although some of the things in my life have hurt, I am learning very quickly that God is the answer. That He has a plan and that only HE knows what that plan is. I asked Him last night why it had to be that way, and then had the audacity to ask if He realized how hard it is to live life not knowing if what you are doing is right or not? Lol I asked God that. Yes. I'm silly I know. But think about it.... God came to Earth as Jesus... but he was God and knew what His purpose was. We don't get that priviledge. To me that isn't very fair. Which I know is not the point of any of this but you know what... its a legitimate question from a very curious girl. lol Honestly though, I think I just needed to get it out and have a good cry. I've had some emotional build up lately and hadn't had a chance to get it out.
Boy did I screw up!
You know I am human and I mess up. I get stuck in a rut and don't do all the things I should. I don't read my bible every day. I don't study like I should. I fall short all the time. But what I've learned is that no matter how I might mess up, God still wants me to be with Him. What is amazing is this last time I actually got stuck in a rut it was because of what someone said to me. I am a Mommy Lion sometimes and I reacted kind of badly about something that was being done to one of my children. In that anger I said some things that maybe weren't so Christian. The person I was talking to told me that they couldn't believe a "Christian" would say that about someone, and that they were disappointed in me because I read my bible all the time and should "know better." Honestly... It made me feel like I was the most worthless piece of junk in the world. Not because I felt bad about what I said, but because my appearance as a woman of God was flawed to that person. It hurt me badly because I love them and desperately want them to think I'm a good person. I didn't realize how much it had hurt me until a few days ago when I had to force myself to pick up my bible and study. It was like I felt like I didn't deserve to have that time with God because I had messed up. How crazy is that? But the enemy took my hurt and twisted it and turned it into something that made me feel bad inside. For one thing... God knows my heart, and no matter what I said, which wasn't that bad anyways, He still loves me and wants time with me. Secondly, I should never let anyone's manipulation of me affect my relationship with God. This person had messed up in their own sense and was taking their frustration with themself out on me. I didn't realize this until later. Does it make it right for them to judge me? No but I let them anyways. This is just another example of how quickly the enemy can seperate us. So sad, and I spent last night begging God to forgive me for letting that happen. Because while I was seperated from that time with God, I had let myself get sad, and down again. Something I swore I'd never let happen. Was it as bad as before? No way. Not even close, but it wasn't good regardless. I learned a few lessons about myself though, I am a strong woman of God. I grow in faith every day, and this seperation from God will NEVER happen to me again because of someone else. So please guard your heart my friends. Pray for protection from the attacks of the enemy and know that you are safe in the arms of Jesus. Sorry I've been distant... things will pick up around here again!!!
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