I spent my entire life in church. I grew up in the typical southern family. You ate as a family, you loved each other, and you went to church. There just really wasn't an other option. Not that it is a bad thing, I just think that you have to choose God to really accept him, but more about that later... I accepted Christ in my heart at the age of 10. I was at church camp and the Lord had been pulling at me all week long. Every time they offered the invitation during the main worship service I would want to go down there, but I just didn't feel right about it. So as a small group with my church family I raised my hand during a prayer when the person praying asked if there was anyone who wanted to invite Jesus into their heart. Later that day my pastor took me to a baseball field, and we sat in the bleachers together. He talked to me about my decision and lead me through the prayer. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. Tears streaming down my face, so hungry, so innocent, and just wanting to be a part of that family so desperately was all I could focus on. I remember opening my eyes after I prayed and looking out over the field. The grass seemed greener, my pastors face was more loving, and I felt lighter. I didn't understand any of those feelings as a child, but now I look back at them, and I just can't help but smile. God was so present, even then. Everything in my life had just dramatically changed, and I would never be the same. I couldn't wait to call my parents and tell them. They were so proud of me when they picked me up at church the next day. I remember calling my grandparents and telling them as well. I was now a part of the heavenly family, and it felt so good. What I didn't understand as a child was that I wouldn't always feel the way I did at that moment. I thought being a Christian made everything wonderful. Life would be full of happiness and blessings from that moment on. It would take me about 20 years to really understand it, but I was at the crossroads the very second I asked Jesus into my heart, and when I said yes to him I started walking down a different path. I didn't know what that path would do to me, but I think there is that euphoric period of time after being saved that you feel invincible, so that we can grow in the Lord before it gets hard, because otherwise we might change our minds. Being a Christian isn't easy. There are times that life is so hard. You will want to give up. You will cry, and you will not understand a lot of things. But I promise I wouldn't change it, not one tiny single bit of it. Jesus is so worth it all.
Later in Life...
When you are a young adult you think you have life all figured out. Boy do you realize quickly that you are so very wrong. I will say that when I was in my early 20s I wasn't the best Christian. I did a lot of things I shouldn't have. I made a lot of bad decisions, and I had to face a bunch of crappy consequences that lasted well into my 30s. I pushed God aside, thought I didn't need Him, and even looked into other "gods". I'm not proud of any of those things, but what amazes me was every time one of those things failed, there was my God waiting for me with open arms. It wasn't until last year when I started seeing Jesus as a different part of God. For years and years God was God and Jesus was His Son. There wasn't that ...relationship. I fell in love with Jesus after He saved my life. I wanted to die, and He begged me not to. Yes, God spoke to me. But that is something entirely different. The point is, at that moment Jesus became my life, and that is when he TRULY saved me I think.
The man of my dreams...Jesus
Its so wonderful when you realize that everything you've ever been searching for in a man was right in front of you all along. I am not talking about finding an earthly relationship with a man, although I have a wonderful husband and I love him dearly, its not the same, and it wasn't meant to be. This relationship is with a God that will never fail you, never disappoint you, and love you no matter what you do or don't do. This is a God that looks at you like you are the most important woman in the world and actually believes it! He treasures you when you don't love yourself. He sits next to you when you need a friend, He listens when no one else will, and He fills a place inside your heart that was only meant for Him. This God became a MAN because He loved YOU that much. He went through the worst imaginable things for you. He died for you and would do it all over again if He had to. And as romantic and breathtaking as that is....What is even more important to me is that He now LIVES for me. He is with me all the time. He curls up with me at night when I don't want to be alone. He sits in the car with me and listens to my singing with this huge smile on His face because I'm singing to Him. He laughs at me when I'm being silly, and shares my joy when I'm happy. He holds my face in His hands when I'm scared and tells me I am safe. He strokes my hair when I'm laying in a pile on the floor sobbing because I've let this world get to me. He walks with me in the dark. He dances with me when no one else will. He cares for me in ways I don't even understand.This God is a King that prepares a place for me in heaven where I get to spend eternity with Him. He provides, guides, and protects me with the love of the most admiring man in the world. He is more loyal than a knight of the round table. He's more beautiful than anything a Hollywood producer could capture. He's more perfect than something an author could write about. His smile lights up heaven. His strength is heard in the thunder. His eyes will take your breath away. He's perfect. He's precious. He's just.... He is just EVERYTHING and so much more. I want to cry, laugh, and sing at the same time right now! (I have to stop myself sometimes because I could go on forever about Him because I'm that in love with him.) Watch this video and you will see what I'd go through for Jesus... Her words are my prayer each day...
God....
One day a friend of mine asked me about why we have to fear God when He is supposed to be loving and understanding. I tried to explain it like this...our God is the creator of the Universe. He is holy. He is bigger than our imaginations will ever be able to think up. He deserves our praise and worship. The mere fact that He created the earth should pretty much put us in our places as humans, but for some of us that isn't enough. This God could wipe out the entire Universe with a thought. He could speak one word, and I could be dead in my tracks. He commands the storms, the beasts of the earth, and time. With that said, as much as He is powerful and mighty, this God was willing to sacrifice His most precious possession for us. He gave up His son, part of Himself, for our sins. He had to watch Him die and do nothing. He had to let him suffer. He had to face the Devil mocking him while he died. And he did it all for us. God is the father figure. The teacher, disciplinarian, and provider. He is the holy one. I have a hard time trying to explain God. Jesus is easy, because he was a man and I have something to compare him to. God is God. There isn't another one. This makes describing Him pretty hard. I fear God because I'm in awe of Him. I respect Him. I am thankful to Him. I fear his mightiness. I know that without Him I am nothing, but He loves me enough to make me something. That to me is what fearing God is.
The Holy Spirit...
This is a tough one, and I'm actually just starting a book about this subject so once I've finished reading it maybe I will have more understanding. For right now the Holy Spirit is the guiding light in my life. Its the quiet whispers that lead me to the right choices. Its the moments when I actually FEEL God's presence. Its the link between me and Jesus. Let me try to explain it like this... Jesus is behind this invisible barrier. He is with me literally, but He doesn't physically touch me because I'm unclean and of this Earth. Until I'm in heaven with Him made "anew" He uses the Holy Spirit to bridge the gap. Why does He do that... well until this very moment I really didn't know. But that's how the Holy Spirit works...praise GOD! When Jesus was here on Earth He could touch humans because He was part of this world. Although He was God, He was at the time God in flesh and blood. When He rose from the dead and ascended into Heaven, He was no longer physically here, but we weren't separated by sin any longer so He could be a part of our lives in a different way than before. The Holy Spirit was the part of God that could still physically touch us even though we are left here on Earth. Why... I'm not sure. But this is the part of God that we feel when we just KNOW God is with us. It is the whispers we hear. The presence that overwhelms us. Jesus uses the Holy Spirit to reach through the barrier to touch us because even though He is no longer a part of this world He craves that bond with us. Why doesn't Jesus just touch us himself? I don't know, maybe its the whole unclean sinner thing. I don't think God has limits, I just know there is a reason. Kind of like there is a reason God doesn't interfere with Free Will even though He could if He wanted. I know that this might sound supernatural, and not really thought out, but I'm just typing what is coming to my mind. I don't understand it, and I'm not really confident that I even know what I'm talking about, but I know to listen when God speaks. As the weeks go on I will try to write more about what I've learned about the Holy Spirit. Maybe I will have more answers sooner than later. All I know is that the Holy Spirit exsists and is very real.
I guess if I could tell you one thing out of all of this is that God is love. He is bigger than we even understand. He is with us and He wants our love in return. God doesn't need us... but He wants us. Big difference. Until next time,
Love never fails, Let God lead the way, and It will be OK, I promise...
Jessica
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