Do you have someone in your life that is just really hard to love sometimes? Maybe they are the love of your life but man they just get so... ugh! I live with a lot of people like that in my life. I love them with all of my heart, but sometimes I just wanna strangle them cause they don't get it! When I started changing myself I learned to look at life differently. I changed dramatically. I literally went from thinking my life was never going to amount to anything, to only wanting the best for my life, and it all changed by a few simple things. One was that I started looking at the people that gave me the hardest time in life and learned how to see them with new eyes. You know sometimes people react to you in ways because that is all they know how to do? If someone has never been taught how to forgive, or forget, how can you expect them to not badger you about the sins in your life? If someone isn't a Christian, how can you expect them to live a life lead by Christ if they don't know what that entails? Same thing with love, if you have never been taught to really love someone, by either reflecting God's love or how you were raised as a child, you cannot expect that person to love you in that way. Its funny we don't expect toddlers to follow rules they don't understand, but yet we expect adults to. Doesn't seem quite fair now does it?
How I learned to love...
I grew up in a loving family. I am a Daddy's Girl to the letter. I still think my Daddy is Jesus on earth. No lie. That is how much I adore him. We are a lot alike. We have those personalities that just loves people no matter what they do. Makes it hard on us sometimes. I guess that is why we bonded so well over the years. He has loved me through thick and thin, good and bad. He's stood by my side and just loved me. For that I am forever grateful. I'll never forget the one and only time my Daddy let me down. It hurt me for years, and I didn't understand it. Now of course I know why he did what he did. I know that he was just doing what he thought was the best thing, and honestly I can't blame him for that. Then there is my Mom. She is a great lady. She loves her family so much, and we are like polar opposites. We either get along perfectly or we clash like titans. Because of that I love her with a different love than I love my father. She gives me passion, and fire. She has made me stronger, a better woman, and a lot more capable as a mother. I learned everything I know about parenting from her. I still to this day call her when I'm not so sure about things. I guess the thing that was the hardest for me in our relationship was that I was the only girl, the oldest, and I was supposed to be perfect. Problem is, I'm not. I learned some bad self image issues from my Mom. I learned to be a perfectionist. How to let others dictate my life, and how to hide what I felt. All things that were pretty devastating to me over the years. But I am a better person now because of all of those things. So in reality I thank her for raising me the way she did. You know what the amazing thing is, even though we have a relationship that has been rocky, it is in a better place now than it has EVER been. So to me it was worth it. I just had to learn how to accept the way she is, and the way I am.
My experiences with loving others...
So from that little bit of information about me you can probably figure out where I fall into the spectrum on love. I'm a lover. I'm passionate and giving. I love with this unending desperate type of love. I always have, even before the change. Its crazy how much I love people sometimes. Not that I'm saying I'm so wonderful because I'm that way, because trust me, its not the best thing in the world, but those that experience it say its pretty awesome. I don't know really, you'd have to ask them. ha ha. The problem is I get my feelings hurt ALOT because of it. I mean A LOT. I try so hard not to let it get to me, but it does sometimes. It is hard when you give and give to people and you get nothing in return, or even worse you get this patronizing pat on the head for something amazing you did for them. That to me is worse than anything. Just don't respond please! ha ha. Ugh I get so frustrated with my husband about that sometimes. But again he isn't like me and where I'd just adore some of the things I do for him, he just takes it and says, "thanks honey" and goes about his business. So hard to take, but that is just the way he is. He doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve like me, and he doesn't openly love the way I do. Oh don't get me wrong, he loves me and the kids. He is so amazing given what he grew up with, but he also has that type A personality and was an only child of a single mother. That should explain a lot to you. ha ha. So needless to say its taken some adjustments in my thinking towards him and the way he shows his love, but let me tell you one of the biggest lessons I had to learn was a lesson in reality.
Life isn't a fairy tale. Love isn't like the movies, and you can't expect it to be. Do you realize that what we live through each day here on Earth is a test of our faith to get into Heaven? It isn't meant to be easy and wonderful. Yes there are moments that are. I live a blissful life 90 percent of the time now. But there are times that the 10 percent sneaks in and wow its like I get hit with a semi truck. I swear romance novels, and romantic movies are Satan's way of getting into our heads to mess us up, especially us women. Seriously think about it, you watch some sappy movie, and if it doesn't make you all in love with your man, it makes you wish he was like the man in the movie. In that instant you've already broken a commandment. "Thou shalt not covet another man's wife." Yes I know its fake. Yes I know its a movie. But those feelings are real, and feelings and thoughts are as much a sin as actually doing the sin. Think on that one! I love to read. LOVE it, and I used to read a lot of dark stuff. You know all of those vampire books? Yeah I've read them all. Not just one series. All of them. There was a time in my life that I was so entranced by that stupid stuff that I literally couldn't wait to get the next one. It consumed my thoughts. I wished my husband was like those characters. Not the blood sucking part, but you know what I mean! It was horrible for our marriage. I started resenting him. I hated that he didn't love me like I wanted. I felt neglected and sad. All because the reality in my head was different from the reality in my life. Now God wasn't the center of our marriage at the time and that is the entire problem. We didn't have a great marriage. It wasn't awful, but it wasn't good, and it definitely wasn't strong. It started changing when we brought God into the center of it all. Sometimes things have to get so broken that you can't depend on anything or anyone else but God to fix it. That is where we got, and man it is so much better now. We literally grow closer every day. I love him in this desperate way that is hard to explain, but I had to learn to love him like that. When your personalities are different it is hard to understand how the other person shows their love. It took me a lot of work to figure that out. Just because he doesn't profess his love via facebook and whatever, doesn't mean he doesn't love me. Just because he doesn't romance me and sweep me off my feet every night doesn't mean he doesn't love me. What he does to show me those things is the fact that he comes home every night. That he adores our children. When he looks at me from across the room and smiles at me. There are moments he snuggles up to me at night in his sleep. Those are my romance moments. A real man loves you by the way he lives his life, not by how he romances you. Yes I know romance and intimacy are great parts of marriage, but trust me, its not everything. It took me a long time to get to this point, but honestly I can say that I'd take a night curled up with his arms around me over a fancy dinner any time. And you know what the best part is... when I do get that fancy dinner, I feel like a princess. That is my fairy tale moment. When I get those unexpected treats is when I know I'm the queen of his world. Does it happen all the time? Nope. But its OK, because he shows me he loves me in so many ways every day.
How do you love a difficult person?
Man this one is tough. How do you love someone that hurts you? Or maybe someone that just is so darn negative? I have people like that in my life. I have had to learn to love through personalities, attitudes, and self centered thoughts. Seems like I'm surrounded by a lot of "Its ALL about Me" people, but you can live your life very blissful even with those people, and here's how. You love them like Jesus does. Corney I know. I KNOW! But it is the truth. How do you think I get through the times when I spend so much time telling my husband I love him and he "pats me on the head"? I remember all the times God loved me and I said "yeah yeah thanks God, I'll take that forgiveness and be on my way." Makes you think doesn't it....Or how about when you give and give to someone and they don't notice. Again... the cross. Maybe its that you feel alone in a house full of people. Do you forget that God is sitting right there just waiting for you to notice Him? How many times have you hurt God's feelings by neglecting Him today... yesterday... last week? Seriously. All that love we want from others has always been right under our noses. When you think about how hard it is to love that "difficult" person in your life, you remember how easy it is for God to love us regardless of how unworthy we are. We are the hardest thing to love in all of God's creation and yet He loves us the MOST. The MOST! He died for us and we sometimes forget that. He left Heaven to come here because he wanted to be closer to us. He suffered for us. You think you've suffered for love.... HE SUFFERED FOR LOVE. And all He wants is for us to love Him back. So next time you find yourself frustrated with someone, or how they love you, just remember God loves us no matter how undeserving we are. I read a quote the other day that said, "The Bible teaches us that we love Jesus as much as the person we love the least." I hope you find a way to love that person the most today, because we all deserve love, and God is the reason we are worthy of it.
Until the next time, Love your family, Love your God, and love your enemies just as much.
Jessica
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