How many times have we heard that phrase and wanted to do something but didn't know how? Or maybe you heard that phrase and thought, "What in the world could I do that would amount to anything?" I used to think that way as well. I thought I was this one, tiny, insignficant woman with a lot of talents that were just being wasted away in the shuffle of work, kids, and marriage. I didn't have a clue how I could be the person I wanted to be. There were places in my heart that desperately wanted to mimick Mother Teresa's compassion, places that wanted to sing like Sandi Patti, and still more places that wanted to challenge people like Francis Chan. Now, I am not by any means saying I am like them or will ever be, but if I could be like anyone on this earth, it would be a combination of them, mixed in with a little John the Baptist. ;) Figure that one out. Seriously I want to be a giver, a lover, and have no abandon when it comes to sharing the love of my Lord. I want to shout it from the mountain and carry it into the valley with me. I want to reach out to people that need help but challenge them to get better with God's help. I see the good works being done all over the world for people that need help so desperately, and I admire that work, but what I'm called to do is so much different. I know in my heart I am supposed to help people. I was designed to change the world. Not so sure how yet, but I know its there and the season is coming. Honestly though just proclaiming that truly scares me to death. Maybe that's part of fearing the Lord. You never know where He might send you, and that is the awesomeness of His power. Doesn't make it easier... Or does it?
What do I give?
I have had a lot of different jobs over my short life time, what is funny is that all of them were about serving others. I taught preschool, did some catering work, designed and made children's clothes, worked in customer service, and was an assistant in a special education classroom. I volunteered with women who were trying to rebuild their lives after tragedy. Worked with the elderly by taking them to the doctor, and even walked dogs a time or two. I enjoy cooking huge meals for my family and friends. I make clothes for little girls, and I just started making my newborn son's baby food. I have made birthday cakes, wedding cakes, and shower cakes. And most of the time, I've done all of these things for way less money than the time and energy I put into them. Basically, I truly love doing things for others and I don't mind if I don't get rich from it. It makes my heart feel good to know that I can give someone a part of my gifts. Problem is I haven't ever done anything big. Nothing major, no huge change in the world, I really haven't donated anything that was really a sacrifice of myself. I guess that is..except for love. Which is kinda corney sounding I know, but its the truth. The one thing that I can say that I do without fear or worry is loving. Its just who I am. I have a hard time staying mad at anyone. You can hurt me a million times, and I'm going to love you and tell you I'm sorry I got upset. I just want everyone to know that there is someone out there that understands and loves them. Even the homeless, dirty, toothless woman that has no where to go. I love the child who can't feed themself, or the mentally challenged. I love children who have been abused, women with low self esteem, and the proud business man that just doesn't get it. I love the old lady that sings off key, and the little boy who totally annoys you in Sunday school. I don't know why, but I draw people like that. Weird how that has always worked. I've been that way my entire life. I actually remember being that way as a teenager. I am one of those people that can honestly look at you and say, "I think you are beautiful just the way you are." Now do I always feel that way about myself, NOT a chance, but others, of course.
So where does that take me?
I'm not so sure. I have huge ideas, but not so sure how to make them happen. Do I have faith that God is going to use me, yes. I'm learning it more and more. I see it every day grow a little. I used to be terrified of it, but now, I'm excited. I can't wait to be able to share God through smiles, hugs, and warm meals. Whatever He wants me to do is what I want. I just wish I knew where to go from here. What path to take. What person to contact. You know? Its like knowing you could do something HUGE but not knowing how to make it happen. I am like this soda bottle that God has been shaking for the last year and I'm about to burst. Just have to find someone that will be lead by God to show me what to do next. I pray that they are out there. I hope that God will speak to them like He speaks to me. I want to surrender to His will so desperately. Its like this hungry need that I have and I can't feed it enough. So we shall see where God takes me and His plan for me. I just have to trust that it will come to pass in His way and His timing.
How can you be the change?
Being the change can happen in so many ways. You can just smile at someone that you usually ignore. Hold the door for that lady trying to get her stroller through by herself. Help your family at dinner time when you usually watch tv. All of those things might seem small but they are the way to learning how to give bigger. You can't expect someone that has never given of themself to suddenly give everything they have. Sometimes it happens that way, but usually its a process over time. We are greedy, prideful people and it is hard to get us to give up things. Especially when we are giving up our time and our energy. It is hard for us. God knows that. But I think that is why He asks it of us. Because He knows that once we get to the point of giving in to HIS plan we are getting closer to Heaven. That's His whole goal anyways. To mold us and make us into a likeness of His image. So start today, be the change for someone in your life. It will change them and they won't even realize it.
Until next time, be the change you want to see in the world. But remember that change has to start with you.
Love always,
Jessica
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