You know I am a pretty easy person to get along with. I am quiet, laid back, and very loving. I'd give you the shirt off my back if you needed me to. I'm fun, for the most part, a little reserved, but fun. I like to cook, love to listen to music, and I am extremely artistic. So why is it that I don't have a lot of girlfriends? Well for one thing, I am shy, but not shy. I know that doesn't make sense, but basically I am outgoing once I trust you, but at first, I'm very nervous about what I say, how I act, or what I do around a new person. So with that said, it narrowed out a lot of people for me growing up and still does as an adult. I am kinda picky about who I'm friends with lately, and if you keep reading you will quickly understand why. Another thing is... if I become your friend, and I trust you, I love you with all that I am. If you hurt me then its hard for me to ever trust you like that again. Not to say that I won't, but its just kinda hard. Family I need. God I need. But friends I don't have to have. But even those two things aren't the main reason I don't have tons of friends. I guess the biggest thing that kept me from even wanting to make a bunch of friends, is that I don't like fake people. The way I see it, if you are my friend I like you for you so just be who you are. Don't tell me your life is better than great if its not. Don't tell me you have this amazing walk with God if you don't. Don't be jealous of me because of how I look or how my family is... Its not my fault God decided to make me tall, blonde, and with what some say is a beautiful face, and a beautiful family. Underneath this outside is a person and that person just wants to be accepted for who she is. I have lost more friends because of that last thing. I have walked away from a church because it was filled with a bunch of hypocritical fake women who thought they were better, smarter, and more intune with God than I was. Problem was, all I wanted was a chance to serve my Lord, but they were insistant upon putting me down because I just might have done it better. Not to say that I would have, but you never know. God works differently when your heart is in the right place, but that is a whole other topic. LOL. I don't really know why, but I guess people get scared of a young woman that knows a lot about God, is very talented in a bunch of things, and is pretty. Oh yeah... and can sing. Why that changes things I don't know, but it does for some freakish reason. lol Maybe its the whole package thing, so to speak... Why women are like that I don't know? But they are, and excuse my terminology but it sucks. I guess I don't understand why you would ever want to be that way because I'm so not like that at all. I just want to love you the person. But in all of this, life has taught me a few lessons over the last year, and one is that I don't NEED friends.
Women are afraid....
Ninety percent of women are living in fear of something. The other 10 percent just are either too old to be afraid or too young. We have this inate need to be something. I think it has to do with the whole Adam and Eve thing. She woke up and the first person she saw was Adam. After she was cursed because of the apple incident, she was destined to live her life needing to please him. So much of what we do as women is directed towards pleasing men. Sad to say but it is. Don't deny it, because its the truth. We live our lives trying to be thinner, prettier, and smarter so that we can find a mate, or keep one. This in turn affects our relationships with women wether we realize it or not. If I have to worry about what a woman might look like to my husband, its an issue. If she is the type that needs affermation about who she is, you bet she will seek it from him regardless of how devoted he is. If I am trying to move up in the world, nine times out of ten its a man that I am going to have to impress. So you bet I am going to make sure every woman in my path doesn't look at good as me because I want that job. That's the way this world thinks these days. It's so sad, but that's the truth. Same thing with everything else. We seek approval wether its at church, in the choir, or at home. We live in fear of being failures in life. So yes we are in constant competition with one another for pecking order and that makes finding women to be true friends with very difficult. Not impossible though...
Friendships can be dangerous to relationships...
I made the decision last year that no one and nothing would come between my 3 important things: God, My Marriage, and My children. That includes friends. Do you have a friend that no matter what you say about your spouse she agrees with you? Do you use her as a sounding board to badger your husband so you feel better about yourself? You may not want to hear this, but she's not a good friend to you. I have a friend like that. I could go and talk so much smack about my husband and she would just say, "Yes he is such a jerk." Not in those words, but you know what I mean. I'd leave that lunch date feeling worse than I did before I got there. I learned really quickly that she was like poison to my marriage and ultimately to me. I'd cut her out of my life completely if I hadn't been friends with her my entire life. So I had to make the decision not to talk to her about my husband. I have another friend for that. She is the type of person that when I talk to her about him, she makes me love him more by the time the conversation is over. That is the kind of friend you need more of in your life. I also used to be friends with a woman that used me. She knew that I loved her like my sister, and so she would dump all of her problems on me. She took advantage of the kind of person I was and would ask me to do things I shouldn't have had to do for her. I had to cut her out of my life because I was getting so bogged down and depressed carrying the weight of her stuff, that it was starting to harm me. On the other hand, I have this friend that no matter how hard I try to help her see the positive side of life, she doesn't. It doesn't matter what I say, she can come up with something else to knock it down, or if she is tired of hearing it, she will just leave or get off the phone. So what do you do with a friend like that? I have learned that with her, I am just there for her. I try to be encouraging, supportive, and non-judgemental. I offer loving advice, and just am there to help her if I can. I don't go out of my way to help her, and I don't take it personally that she doesn't "get it." I can't make her get it until she's ready. There will come a time when she is, and I will be there to help her when that day comes but until then I just keep my distance.
Absolutely! But I want strong Christian women to surround myself with. I don't want or need friends that are not on the same path as me. I need women that will love and support me in my life. Who will lift me up, laugh with me, and pray for me. I want friends that I can sit in the car and sing praises to our King and not feel silly about it. I want a sister in Christ who loves me as much as I love them. Friendships like these are like marriages. You have to put the time, love, and effort into them. You can't just expect them to grow on their own. Its amazing how I have begun to make friends with women like that since I quit trying so hard. Not tons, but there are a few and I know there will be more. God gives us others on our path to help us grow and become more like Him if you are willing and patient. The one bit of advice I can give you on friendships is this, if you have friends in your life that don't reflect a strong loving walk with the Lord...then maybe you need to change the dynamic of that relationship before it changes you.
Until next time, Love the ones God gives you, Pray often, and enjoy the day.
Always,
Jessica
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